A Deeply Human Excavation of Our Difficult Existence

It may not seem like it at first, based on the title, but Sometimes I Think About Dying is actually the perfect movie to kick off opening night of Sundance Film Festival 2023. This year marks the return of in-person events after the last two annual festivals pivoted towards a solely virtual experience as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. What’s more, Sundance 2023 will still be offering online screenings to ticket holders around the world, thereby emphasizing the notions of community and connection. Indeed, both of these ideas have long been entrenched in the movie-going experience, but what Sometimes I Think About Dying offers is a deeply human, and effectively singular, perspective on them.

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Directed by Rachel Lambert, Sometimes I Think About Dying is one of 12 movies that have been selected for the U.S. Dramatic Competition Program. The film stars Daisy Ridley (pulling double duty as a producer) as Fran, a socially awkward but deeply feeling woman living in a small town in Oregon, who, according to Sundance’s official synopsis, “wastes her daylight hours in the solitude of a cubicle, listening to the constant hum of officemates, occasionally daydreaming to pass the time.” Unexpectedly, though not entirely unwillingly, Fran forms a connection with Robert (Dave Merheje), who is new in town and the office, and, more importantly, who effectively bursts Fran’s “bubble of isolation.”

Yes, Fran does think about her death — a recurring daydream of hers that we see is of her lifeless body, fully dressed in drab office garb, strewn across a forest floor — but it’s not because she necessarily wants to die; rather, it’s because she doesn’t know really know how to live. On the contrary, Fran so desperately wants to live, whether that involves taking part in office gossip or opening herself up to Robert as their relationship teeters the border between professional and romantic. In this way, Sometimes I Think About Dying isn’t a declaration of one woman’s defeat, but instead an examination — at times, a confession even — of what everyone is thinking: being a person can sometimes be very hard.

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A Marriage Between the Ordinary and the Whimsical

Contrary to its title, the synopsis, and the aforementioned themes at play in the story, Sometimes I Think About Dying is actually a supremely fun watch. Lambert expertly weaves through the minutiae of our existence, presenting to us the hilarious (if you really think about it), yet somewhat stilted, perhaps even cringe-worthy, though, of course, no less valiant ways with which we, as humans, insist on living. She mines meaning in the ordinary, but even though it may feel like nothing really happens, it’s never boring. It helps that the script from Kevin Armento, Stefanie Abel Horowitz, and Katy Wright-Mead is airtight in its illustration of the quotidian — from the handful of seconds at the coffee machine to conversations about cottage cheese being misclassified as a cheese (it’s actually a curd) — and therefore unwavering in its assertion that it’s these moments that make us, for better or worse, human.

What’s most interesting is when Sometimes I Think About Dying invites us into Fran’s inner world as someone who is seemingly unable to participate in that which makes us living, breathing, semi-functioning people. Signing a card for her retiring coworker is just as difficult as letting Robert really get to know her. Ironically, Fran is actually most alive when she’s thinking about her death. Dabney Morris’ playful score in these sequences, combined with vibrant work from production designer Daniel Maughiman and cinematographer Dustin Lane, bring her to life in a way that we don’t necessarily see her throughout most of the film in the real world. Even her beige sweater, here, looks more chic.

Of course, a big part of what makes Sometimes I Think About Dying work is the performances from the cast. Everyone at the office, particularly a scene-stealing Meg Stalter and Parvesh Cheena, perfectly channels the personalities we bring to the workplace. As Robert, Merheje brings charm and earnestness, and is irresistibly disarming. That said, it’s Ridley who stands out. She brings the perfect amount of restraint as Fran, deftly navigating her social awkwardness with her desire to be seen and included, while also tapping into the curiosity for life that makes her character so relatable.

Ultimately, thanks to Ridley’s performance, we never pity or scorn Fran. If anything, she serves as a mirror to us all. Like Fran, we are all living on a floating rock, punching clocks and stirring our morning coffees, with absolutely no idea of what we’re doing. What Sometimes I Think About Dying reminds us is that the moments we have together along the way, whether they’re conversations about HDMI cables at work or sharing a piece of berry pie with someone you love — or sitting in a theater at one of the biggest film festivals in the world and getting lost in a good movie — are all we really have and take with us as we hurtle through this thing called life.

Sundance 2023 runs January 19-29. You can visit the festival website for full details and screening times.

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