Ben Affleck Has an Angry Tirade at The Roast of Tom Brady

Summary

• Ben Affleck’s attendance at
  The Roast of Tom Brady
  was unexpectedly intense and focused on toxic online fan behavior.
• Affleck’s weird rant seemed to be fueled more by his own personal experiences with online criticism and tabloid rumors.
• The rest of the roast was very funny and very rough, with surprise appearances from Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, Bill Belichik, Peyton Manning, and more.

As part of the Netflix Is a Joke event, Netflix has been experimenting with some live-streaming comedy. There was Katt Williams’ new special, there’s a six night event with John Mulaney, and tonight, May 5, there was The Roast of Tom Brady. Like many roasts, it was both hilarious and brutal, filled with jokes we can’t repeat here; suffice it to say, they went after Tom about everything. There are always some cringe moments in roasts, and doing it live was an extremely risky move on Netflix’s part. While the humor may have offended some people, the most awkward and unfortunate moment of the night came nearly two and a half hours in, when New England Patriots fan Ben Affleck walked to the dais.

It was clear from the start that Affleck was a little off; sweaty and with an overactive lower jaw, slurring the occasional word, he didn’t seem completely on his game. Performing comedy live in front of literally millions of people, plus the sold-out in-person audience, is nerve-wracking if you’re not a successful stand-up comic. Affleck didn’t even seem to attempt comedy, though, and seemingly misunderstood the point of a roast, which is for people to make very crude jokes about each other, mostly in good fun, usually for charity. What Affleck did, instead, was rant about online football fans before yelling at someone in attendance on the stage.

Affleck began by recounting a production day on the set of their Dunkin’ Donuts commercial. “Tom asked me to look at his social media accounts for him. I guess for some reason, he gets a lot of online criticism. But I took a look at it, and I gotta say, I didn’t even last two f*cking hours. It was the most toxic thing I have ever experienced.”

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Affleck then targeted one specific social media handle, while past players for the Patriots sat behind him. “Meanwhile, Tom and all these guys up here, you always hear them say, ‘It’s all about the fans. We do it for the fans.’ Well, let me let you in on a little secret,” Affleck told the particular commenter. “Tom could do it without you!”

You’re talking sh*t behind your AOL account in suburban Buffalo […] He has seven rings. You took seven years to get your GED. This is the NFL! You’d be in the f*cking hospital if you stepped on the field for one play!

“You sit there, f*cking hiding behind your keyboard,” continued Affleck, “spewing out all this f*cking toxic sh*t about people you’d be afraid to come up to if you saw them at the car wash […] You guys out there talking sh*t, all right behind your f*cking keyboard, that doesn’t make you a fan. That makes you a b*tch.”

Ben Affleck Continued His Tirade for an Awkwardly Long Time

Perhaps Affleck is projecting, somewhat. Of course, he loves Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, but he’s also been subject to countless online critics, tabloid rumors, obnoxious paparazzi, nosy journalists, and mean people in general. The abuse he received during Affleck’s short tenure as Batman was enough for a lifetime, not to mention his relationship with Jennifer Lopez. In a sense, Affleck was turning the roast onto the people who have hurt him throughout his career. Or who knows, maybe it was all an Andy Kaufman-esque comedy bit.

“Imagine working for [the fans],” continued Affleck. “You go out and f*cking challenge yourself and succeed every day to the degree, to that f*cking level, and you’ve got to go online and read that sh*t? I can’t think of a more f*cked up, dysfunctional, horrible working system designed to perpetually make people feel awful.”

Affleck then turned his attention to former New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, who he didn’t know was going to be in attendance. Belichick is famously stoic and monosyllablic, refusing to show much emotion or say much. Nearly six minutes into his rant, Affleck said, “I don’t think I’ll ever get this chance again. I’m probably never going to work again, actually, after tonight.”

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Ben Affleck Goes After Bill Belichick to His Face

“Bill!” Affleck exclaimed in a drawn out tone, looking at the coach. “Like, the look on your face that everybody works for you. I’ve got season tickets! You work for me, motherf*cker! I want to ask you a question. I get it, I watched the press conferences, you’re not a talker. No chit-chat. ‘We’re moving on to Cincinnati,'” continued Affleck in a growly voice imitating Belichick. He went on:

I don’t know how you get away with it, honestly. Like, in my business, even if you make
Justice League
, you don’t think I want to f*cking move on to Cincinnati?! […] Doesn’t matter if they f*cking make memes out of you looking f*cking despondent, with a Simon and Garfunkel song. Talk!

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“Anyway, I just, I just had this question and I guess, you know, I think, um, I think I’d like to get an answer. It’s, it’s pretty simple,” continued Affleck, who was being asked to wrap and get off the stage. “You know, we’re not, we’re not going to move on. I just got nowhere to go, you know, and I just want to know, like, what does [Tom Brady] have to do to make Bill Belichick happy? How do we see some teeth, like you got to cure a cancer? They’re watching the Superbowl, Tom throws a touchdown pass win again, and Bill’s looking at him like, no, like f*cking Tom sh*t in his cereal or something.”

That was the look on your face. Do you know what the look on my face would be, if I was a football coach and Tom Brady was my quarterback?

And then, Affleck imitated deeply fellating a giant imaginary penis. “Thank you very much,” he said, and walked off.

Funny performers of the night included Nikki Glaser, Andrew Schulz, Jeff Ross, Tony Hinchcliffe, and the host, Kevin Hart. NFL stars Rob Gronkowski, Julian Edelman, Randy Moss, Drew Bledsoe, Peyton Manning, and more. The only time Tom Brady seemed truly upset was when Jeff Ross made a joke about Patriots owner Robert Kraft, prompting Tom to walk to the dais and say into Ross’ ear, “Don’t say that sh*t again.” Otherwise, while certainly brutal, the night was hilarious. You can watch The Roast of Tom Brady below:

Watch on Netflix

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